It is such a blessing to be apart of Women's Ministry at Harvest Bible Chapel. We are going through the attributes of God. We have gone through many attributes, but this weeks topic has stuck out to me like a sore thumb. This week we are reading about the Love of God. And to be honest, I am not done with the chapter yet because I often find myself having to stop to just thank God, to cry, and to just breathe...and here's why.
Before November 2012, I struggled with His love. Growing up, I lived in a home where zero affection was present. My parents didn't love each other and still don't today. Their affection to me was a hug now and then. In 3rd grade, I was sexually abused... and incidents like that kept popping up randomly until 9th grade. Those incidents for many years, shaped my view on God and His love for me. I viewed God as a God who didn't really care about me. I often thought, "Why would God allow things like this to happen to me?!" Because of being abused and not receiving the right kind of love though, a pornography addiction started. This addiction started because I was curious about what happened to me in 3rd grade. I had this addiction from 6th grade, all the way until my Freshman year of college. I was a innocent little girl, and just wanted to know what happened to me. But through the years, it continued to get "worse". Looking at these things, seemed satisfying in the moment, but it left my heart broken and empty. What it really did, was destroy my heart.
Another thing that shaped my view on Gods love was how my dad treated me growing up. My dad (still today) is pretty harsh with his words- he often doesn't think that what he says hurts you, but I have many hurts from him. I used to think that God sat up in Heaven with His arms crossed, disappointed with me and judging me. Because of the way that I experienced love from my dad, I often though that I had to work and perform to earn the love of Christ. My mindset was that I needed to strive to please Him.
But... In November 2012, my view on His love changed. I went to Twelve Stones (counseling retreat) and what we talked about mainly was how God has pursued me all my life. We talked about the "right" kind of love from a Heavenly Father. We talked about a God who does NOT sit up there with His arms crossed in discouragement. We talked about a God whose love is unconditional, never-changing, satisfying, and pure.
For those of you who do not think that God's love is SATISFYING or struggle with it... it is! You're hearing this from a girl who had a pornography addiction for 7+ years. If you find yourself seeking love, please seek it from a Heavenly Father whose love is perfect. It took me 7+ years to believe that and embrace it. His love IS completely satisfying, and it will not run out on you!
I'm so thankful for that weekend when I learned about the truth of His love. I can't say that I don't struggle with His love anymore... because sometimes I do. But, I now know the truth about who He is and His love for me.
He loves you no matter what sins you have committed.
EMBRACE His love in your life.
Before November 2012, I struggled with His love. Growing up, I lived in a home where zero affection was present. My parents didn't love each other and still don't today. Their affection to me was a hug now and then. In 3rd grade, I was sexually abused... and incidents like that kept popping up randomly until 9th grade. Those incidents for many years, shaped my view on God and His love for me. I viewed God as a God who didn't really care about me. I often thought, "Why would God allow things like this to happen to me?!" Because of being abused and not receiving the right kind of love though, a pornography addiction started. This addiction started because I was curious about what happened to me in 3rd grade. I had this addiction from 6th grade, all the way until my Freshman year of college. I was a innocent little girl, and just wanted to know what happened to me. But through the years, it continued to get "worse". Looking at these things, seemed satisfying in the moment, but it left my heart broken and empty. What it really did, was destroy my heart.
Another thing that shaped my view on Gods love was how my dad treated me growing up. My dad (still today) is pretty harsh with his words- he often doesn't think that what he says hurts you, but I have many hurts from him. I used to think that God sat up in Heaven with His arms crossed, disappointed with me and judging me. Because of the way that I experienced love from my dad, I often though that I had to work and perform to earn the love of Christ. My mindset was that I needed to strive to please Him.
But... In November 2012, my view on His love changed. I went to Twelve Stones (counseling retreat) and what we talked about mainly was how God has pursued me all my life. We talked about the "right" kind of love from a Heavenly Father. We talked about a God who does NOT sit up there with His arms crossed in discouragement. We talked about a God whose love is unconditional, never-changing, satisfying, and pure.
For those of you who do not think that God's love is SATISFYING or struggle with it... it is! You're hearing this from a girl who had a pornography addiction for 7+ years. If you find yourself seeking love, please seek it from a Heavenly Father whose love is perfect. It took me 7+ years to believe that and embrace it. His love IS completely satisfying, and it will not run out on you!
I'm so thankful for that weekend when I learned about the truth of His love. I can't say that I don't struggle with His love anymore... because sometimes I do. But, I now know the truth about who He is and His love for me.
He loves you no matter what sins you have committed.
EMBRACE His love in your life.
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