Christ: My First Love

My first love.

What was it? What really gripped my heart growing up? What have I grown to truly love over time? For me, my first love was Jesus. He met me just as I was in 6th grade. Sinful, lost, and imperfect. This love that I have towards Him isn't the love I have towards material things, or even people. This love changed me from the inside out.

Since Junior High, I would say that I have had a passion to grow closer to Christ and to truly know Him. I would say that Christ gave me a huge passion to be a missionary overseas, and to love on the people that God created. He gave me a passion to share the Gospel with whoever I came in contact with. For years, I would say that God gave me these passions and desires, in order to advance His Kingdom. And He gave me the desire to grow closer to Him and truly know Him.

However, I am starting to realize that I am slowly starting to lose my first love. This spiritually dry season of my life has lasted for almost a year. It started when I first moved to Washington. I thought I would grow closer to Christ being in a different culture and context, but I am starting to fall away from faith in general. It's a scary place to be. Loving Christ isn't easy for me anymore. It's become something I do just to check it off the list. It's a burden. Loving Christ and living for Him should be an absolute joy. It should be something that I want to do. My heart has become hardened to the Gospel, His people, and His Word. The question that often reoccurs in my head is, "Carly, if you don't want anything to do with Him, were you really saved in the first place?"

With that said, I'm slipping away. And could use all the prayers I can get. Even though I am questioning, I can tell you that He is real. I can tell you that He is good. I can tell you that this season won't last forever. And I know this is a season. It's a season that I should be clinging to Christ through.

Christ's love for His Children is unconditional. It's intimate. It's perfect. And it's pure. It's absolutely unbelievable. No matter how many times I want to give up on Him, no matter how many times I deny Him... He loves me. Unconditionally. Amazing, amazing love. Because of this love, we should have a desire to spend time with Him. Spend time in Worship, prayer, and in His Word.

Wherever you are in your spiritual journey, I encourage you to ask the question, "Have you lost your first love?" I think it's so easy to slip away from Him and turn to worthless idols and things to satisfy our hearts. If we are going to live fully for Christ, we need to be all in. Personally, I want to go through the rest of my life clinging so tightly to my Creator. I want to live my life saying that I fell madly in love with Jesus.

"Lord, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I turn to worthless idols in order to satisfy my deepest desires. I'm sorry for the apathetic attitude that I have towards you, the church, authorities, and the Gospel. Please forgive me Lord. Please help me to see that your love is enough. Help me to change my heart and turn back to you."